So you’ve had that difficult discussion with your parents. Before you could react, they pushed the brochure of a nursing home in your hand. “This is where I want to live,” they said.
You looked up in shock. You felt your brain spinning on the spot, unable to cope up with a suitable counterargument. Yes, you already knew a nursing home would be the best solution for them. But still, you were not emotionally prepared for this. Knowing it and doing it are two very different things. “Are you sure about this,” you finally managed to ask after a long pause.
They nodded silently, crushing your last hope of delaying the inevitable. Yes, they were sure about it.
If you’ve ever been faced with a situation where you realize that you can’t help your parents anymore, it can be heartbreaking to watch them leave the family home. But, nursing homes provide 24/7 medical assistance to their residents. In many ways, a nursing home should eliminate most worries about your aging parents. However, you’ll soon discover new reasons to be worried:
#1. You struggle to make time to visit
More often than not, visiting your parents in a nursing home requires a lot of planning. You need to juggle family summer vacation with visiting times. Typically, nursing homes have specific visiting hours every day. If you live nowhere near the facility, you will not only need to schedule your trip to the nursing home but convince your family to come with you too. Young kids may love their grandparents, but they reluctantly commit to a long commute. Little ones are likely to arrive tired or far too excited for a visit. It could make it stressful to see your parents regularly. Even if the kids are not a problem, it can be tough to commit to time-demanding visits at the end of a busy week. Sometimes, you just want to stay at home and relax.
#2. Seniors can feel abandoned
Sending your parents to a nursing home can feel like you are physically abandoning them. A lot of seniors, even those who have deliberately chosen to go to a nursing home, feel abandoned by their family. The truth is that getting old is no easy process, and it can be painful to go through it alone.
Sometimes, nursing homes are far away from where direct relatives live. When you work long hours during the week, you’re too exhausted to travel and visit during the weekend. But you could reach out to them with a phone call or even organize a video call, as most nursing homes have these facilities.
Sometimes, you are simply afraid. If one parent has a difficult health condition, such as dementia, it can be heartbreaking to arrange for a visit when they don’t recognize you. But, the trained medical staff can help you cope with the situation so you can still make memories.
#3. Vulnerable seniors are at the mercy of the staff
If your parents’ health is weak, such as they are bed-ridden or struggling with severe dementia, you want trustworthy professionals around them. Nursing home staff is trained to create a respectful and calming environment for the well-being of the residents. However, unfortunately, nursing home abuse cases are still too frequent. They often happen as a result of understaffed facilities or poor quality standards in the team. While you can find trustworthy nursing home abuse attorneys to help you, it would be best to avoid any risk. Finding people you can trust to look after your parents is no easy task. Ideally, you want to arrange introductory visits with a few selected nursing homes. You and your parents can go together to check the place and talk to the residents and the staff.
#4. You feel guilty
Agreeing to send your parents to a nursing home is a difficult decision, even if you know it’s for their best. You are going to experience guilt as you feel it should be your role to look after your parents. Most people recommend a pragmatic approach to guilt. Indeed, remind yourself that you can’t provide the professional care your parents need. As much as you love them, you need to consider suitable alternatives if you do not have the skills or resources to care for them. Be kind to yourself: you’re doing the best you can in a difficult situation.
#5. You worry they will feel lonely
Nursing homes are not lonely places. Many nursing homes build a tight community for their residents, encouraging friendship through social activities and events. In fact, you might even find that your parents are too busy to plan for visits!
Coping with a nursing home decision is a delicate matter. However, as you get familiar with the potential risks, you learn to tackle them. Caring for your parents means worrying, but you can learn new ways to look after them in a nursing home.
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